My phone call with an editor of best sellers

Had a great conversation with William G. Thompson today. That's right, Stephen King and John Grisham's first editor.

We spent an hour talking about my book and what I should do next to make it stronger. How cool is that? Seriously. It was surreal to picture him on the other end of the line in his Upper East Side apartment, blocks from Central Park.

He was warm, friendly, and eager to discuss the book. He let me know right out of the gate that he likes the basic concept of the story, and he identified Rain and her plight as its backbone.

As we talked, I recognized his appreciation for and understanding of the book. His enthusiasm was genuine and apparent in his abundant ideas and insights.

I won't get into all of them, but for those interested, here are the main nuggets:

First, he suggested I concentrate on Sesula as an evil entity and create an aura that something's going on here. Focus on the eeriness of the island and Sesula, he said. Help the reader see it, smell it, feel it.

Next, he said I need to focus on the central characters, starting with Alex. He's controlling. He's selfish. He's a troubled person, unhappy with mainland jobs. He has friction with Rain's business partner and best friend, Jennifer.

He suggested I begin the book differently, with a scene where Rain is packing up her office with her best friend who has reservations about her leaving. Ironically, this is how the book opened in my previous draft. Two steps forward, two steps back I guess. But he's right. That scene will help establish the tension Jennifer has with Alex, and shed some insights about Rain and her best friend. It's also a cool way to foreshadow of the dangers of the place she's heading to.

Regarding Rain, he told me to get a fix on her as a woman. He suggested that I look at every word she says with scrutiny. It's her dialogue that I have to watch and sustain. I should ask myself, "Would she have said that? Is that what she would say at this point in the story?" She is a veterinarian who cares for animals. She's not a fighter, he told me. She's a gentle person. She's accomplished: she's made a life for herself, and a career, and now she's trying to start a family. But she's uncertain about the fears she has. These nagging things that worry her will become clearer threats and eventually present real danger.

He told me to eliminate characters and subplots that detracted from the central story. Stick to telling your story, he told me. This also sounds a lot like my earlier draft. Simpler is better, right?

He introduced the idea of making the island's soon to retire veterinarian Rain's ally. He's scarcely mentioned in the current draft, but I can see how this kind, fatherly figure can welcome Rain to the island, help her settle in, and begin sharing the dark history of Sesula.

It's going to be a lot of work, starting from page one, but I am stoked about this story and the direction it's headed.

More to come.

Ethan

Tips from Stephen King's first editor

Here's an excerpt of what the famous editor had to say after reading my full manuscript:

The good news is your nifty plot. Young couple starting a new chapter of their marriage by moving in the waters off Seattle. A series of mysterious deaths lead them to conclude their decision was a dangerous one.

Your chapters are identified by the names of the principals involved in each. It’s a useful device to establish balance, pacing and suspense. It works beautifully.

The bad news is that you don’t take advantage of your plot’s possibilities. Your writing is clear, but you lose sight of the fact that you’re telling a story that requires an atmosphere initially alerting the reader to complex characters and then creating an ever-building sense of menace.

...We will believe that Sesula—like the lovebirds in THE BIRDS or the Overlook hotel in THE SHINING—is a malevolent entity, but you’ve got to create it for us. Show us the dark shape lurking under the water, show us the brain-like ridges that seemingly reveal themselves at low tide, show us the water that mysteriously swirls around rather than over Sesula. 

...You’ve got a lot of rewriting to do, but you’re capable of it, and you’ll have a better, i.e., more saleable book. I think it’s worth the effort.

Bill Thompson

Now you know what I'll be up to in the upcoming months.

EJ

Working with a literary legend

The editor who discovered Stephen King and John Grisham has offered to critique my novel. William
G. Thompson edited Stephen King's first four novels: Carrie, 'Salem's Lot, The Shining, and The Stand–some of my favorite books. I feel extremely fortunate to have his interest and insights.

I just popped my manuscript in the mail last week, so it will be a few weeks before he'll get back to me with a full critique. 

But, if you're interested, here's what he had to say about the first fifty pages:

Nice stuff. He’s got all the ingredients for a good horror thriller. First of all, we’ve got a great setting—the island-dotted Vancouver area in the Pacific Northwest. We’ve got the young wife moving her mainland shared veterinary practice to their not-so-new island home. Her husband will work as a charter fishing guide. The opportunities for a new life, to include children, seem to outweigh the challenges presented.

The island is remote, made moreso by the presence of a submerged, sinister rock formerly part of the island. Its dark, hulking form is not only a navigational hazard but carries with it generations (?) of Native American stories of its malice toward any who sail near it.

The stories are easily dismissed, but trigger in our protagonist heroine her deeply felt wariness—perhaps fear—of untamed water. The story will justify her fears.

More to come.

Ethan

Sesula

http://moviemakeronline.com/r6447697b1

About those first 53 pages

I decided to make them available by request. That way I can protect the copyright and still share them with those I know who are interested.

Sorry and thanks,

Ethan

Seymour Narrows

The setting of this novel is based on Seymour Narrows, one of the deadliest bodies of water on the planet. A few years ago, I thought what if this naturally dangerous place had a supernatural threat as well. Now it's a novel.